Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
