in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
