I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
