I wish I could punch you in the face.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
