when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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