You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
