Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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