OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
