I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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