uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
