Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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