Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
