how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
