There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
