it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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