Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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