she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
