You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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