Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
