she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
