Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
