Is it normal to miss your booty call?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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