oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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