I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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