I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
