Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
