What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
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So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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