Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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