3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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