I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
