walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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