we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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