She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So many bounce houses so little time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
