just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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