when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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