Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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