He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
