the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize