My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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