Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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