im drinking this country out of the recession.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
