god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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