The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
