I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
