Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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