**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
