they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
