you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
