Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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