At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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