I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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