Im at strip club and am horny
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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