that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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