Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
