Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
