what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
