I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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