I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
