Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
