Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
