dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
