How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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