using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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