Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
